


Win or Lose

by wonderlandiscrumbling



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Drinking, F/M, First Kiss, Jealousy, Love Confessions, M/M, Mentions of Mental Illness, Smoking, Trans Male Character, conversations actually taking place, mentions of abuse, mentions of badly practiced rough sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-23
Updated: 2020-01-23
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:41:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22369624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wonderlandiscrumbling/pseuds/wonderlandiscrumbling
Summary: Oswald finally reaching a sort of breaking point in terms of watching Ed carry out his relationship with Isabella.
Relationships: Isabella/Edward Nygma, Oswald Cobblepot/Edward Nygma
Comments: 4
Kudos: 91





	Win or Lose

There was a knot in the pit of his stomach as he watched the two of them together. Watching the man that he loved with the carbon copy of his dead girlfriend; it felt like the world laughing in both their faces, but only one of them could see the cruel joke for what it was. He wanted to tell Ed to stop bringing her to the manor, she had no right to be in his home, in their home, but then there was the fear that she would just bat her eyelashes and suggest that he move into her place or they even find a place of their own. Cold fear shot through his body at the thought of them leaving Gotham, moving to God knows where and starting a family together. He downed another shot of gin and took a drag from his cigarette, he stared out at the garden below and counted the minutes. They had been gone for three hours going on four now, he figured at this point he’d just spend the night at her apartment. He rolled his eyes at the thought, tears rolled down his freckled cheeks as he pictured them together, pictured him with her. He filled his glass and took another shot, his hands shaky. 

He startled when he heard the slamming of a car door. It was near pathetic the way he stumbled away from the balcony tossing his cigarette onto the ground stubbing it with the toe of his shoe as he went back into the house. He heard the front door clicking shut the sound echoing through the empty halls of the mansion. He tried to calm himself to seem less pathetic and desperate as he headed down the hall towards the stairs, halfway down the stairs he spotted Ed leaning back against the door with his hands over his face, shoulders hunched. Oswald was slow and cautious as he descended the stairs, there was a sick hopeful fluttering in his chest as he thought that just maybe she was dead in a dumpster somewhere or that she was doing this all as some cruel joke. When he reached the landing, Ed looked up at the sound of his shoes on the tile floor. His eyes were red and puffy, cheeks tear stained, and a look of shame on his face as he looked at his friend. He plucked his glasses from his face and angrily wiped at his eyes and nose with the back of his hand.

“Sorry, I-sorry did I wake you?” He asked his voice a rough stuttering whisper as he looked at him again, glasses still held in his hands as he fidgeted nervously with the stems of them.

“No, I was-I was waiting for you actually.” He admitted laughing nervously, Ed gave a nervous smile of his own.

It wasn’t until he drew closer that he noticed the dark marks on Ed’s throat. Ed noticed where his eyes were focused, instinctively he placed his hand over the marks circling his neck attempting to hide them as a child might hide a bad grade from an irate parent. Oswald crowded in closer leaning up to try to get a look at the marks.

“What’s on your neck?”

It wasn’t hickies, he knew that from the quick glance he managed to get of the marks.

“It’s nothing, don’t worry about me. I was thinking about making some tea for myself, do you want some, you like Earl Grey don’t you?” He asked filling the silence with nervous rambling as he pushed past him and headed towards the kitchen. 

Oswald quietly followed him to the kitchen unsure if he should outright demand him to tell him about the bruises on his neck or if he should continue to let him deflect until they reached the correct lull to confront him about whatever it was that happened. Bruises meant he was choked or grabbed by the throat which meant many things; he could have been assaulted by some random person while out on his date or they were from Isabella grabbing at his throat in self defense as he killed her.

He seated himself on a bar stool watching as Ed busied himself with the kettle. 

“How was your date?” He asked casually, he grabbed his pack of cigarettes out of his pocket along with his lighter, he lit a new cigarette deciding nervous smoking would be better than biting the skin around his nails during this conversation. 

Ed tapped his fingers against the counter as he stared down at the kettle waiting for it to heat up.

“Fine it was it was fine. We uh tried out that new Italian bistro on East Main.” 

Oswald hummed, “Did you like it?”

“Y-yeah it was nice, you’d really enjoy it. We should actually go there sometime.” He suggested giving a quick glance back at him over his shoulder. Oswald forced a small smile before taking another drag of his cigarette, he held the smoke into his lungs until it burned then breathed it out into the air.

Ed released a sigh of relief when the kettle began its hissing the sound echoing in the small room. Oswald noted how shaky and tense he was as he got out the teacups and tea bags, he was surprised he didn’t drop the cups as he sat them down on the kitchen island taking his own seat across from his friend. Oswald placed what remained of his cigarette into the ashtray, he fiddled with the tea bag dragging it through the water unsure of how to go about this since Ed wasn’t being honest and talkative.

“Can I ask you a question?” Oswald asked slowly, he knew with Ed when he was anxious like this, he was always one wrong word away from bolting.

“Sure” 

“Is, is everything alright with her?” He asked dreading the thought of even speaking her name out loud.

Ed was quiet for a moment as he stared down into his cup, he idly traced his fingers along the marks on his neck as he nodded.

“Yes, she’s good, we’re good.”

“Ed” He reached across the table taking hold of his free hand. Ed looked up at him and he wasn’t sure what to make of his expression which worried him, he worried this was somehow crossing a line. “Where did you get the bruises on your neck, I won’t be mad, I just want to know.” He assured him.

Ed swallowed hard, he looked down at their joined hands. “She didn’t mean it, not….I mean she, she just didn’t realize.” He began to ramble then stopped himself closing his eyes, he took hold of Oswald’s hand giving it a squeeze as if to ground himself to their conversation. “We were….She just, it was in the moment and she thought it was something I might like, that might help actually.” 

Oswald stared at him doing his best to understand what was being said outside of they had been having sex. “What did she do?”

“She just choked me, that’s all. It’s not that bad, it’s perfectly normal. Besides she’s actually explained to me that she took a couple of psych classes when she had been in college a-and her professor told her that if you mix a bad experience with a pleasurable one it can be quite good for curing anxieties.” He defended still not meeting his eyes.

“Christ” Oswald breathed out.

“She just, I panicked and she didn’t….She apologized afterwards, she didn’t mean it.”

He clenched his jaw counting to ten to refrain from yelling. He wasn’t mad at ed, it would be cruel and counterproductive to be angry with him for what happened. Though yelling had been his gut instinct when Ed told him they’d gotten back together because of her little therapy session that involved red hair dye and hitting him.

“Why are you doing this to yourself?” He finally asked.

Ed looked up at him brow furrowed in confusion at the question that seemed like one of the most obvious ones in the world.

“What do you mean?”

“You’re dating a woman who looks and sounds just like the one you dated two years ago, the one you killed. You knew her for one single night and decided you’re in love with her, Ed you don’t know her, and then she does shit like this. First, she makes herself look like Kristen and now she’s choking you, I know you can’t really be happy like this.” 

His heart pounded in his chest waiting for this to explode in his face. Ed tensed but didn’t pull his hand from his, he looked like he was emotionally conflicted on whether he wanted to yell or continue to defend his poor life choices.

“She loves me, when am I going to get another chance to have somebody who knows the things that I did and still love me?” 

Oswald pulled his hand from his feeling hurt and sickened at his broken response. It was ironic he was the one who was scared, the one who told him that emotions and love and dependence on others was a weakness that they needed to move on. Why was it he was allowed to break, to cave in and run to the first person who smiles his way?

“Do you want me to repeat your little speech you gave to me?” He asked bitterly.

“I’m sorry, I know that-I know that I haven’t been very supportive or there for you.” 

Butch had been, a friend he’d tossed to the side because of Ed. Ed whose loyalty wavered the moment he met somebody who showed him kindness. Oswald looked away from him, he ran his fingers back through his hair not sure if he wanted to go back upstairs to his bedroom or continue to sit here with this intensely awkward conversation. Ed got up from his seat and came around to sit next to him.

“I’m sorry, truly I am; what you have been through has been horrific, I know what it’s like, and I should have been there, I should be there.” He said placing a hand on his leg.

Oswald looked up at him, he could see the sincerity in those eyes of his, that fear that he was losing his one and only friend. He sighed heavily reaching up to place a hand against his cheek. 

“Did you….Did you ever stop to think for a second about why I could have possibly wanted to talk to you that night?” 

Ed remained silent as if he wasn’t sure he was supposed to provide an answer to this question. 

“You of all people in this shit hole of a city has to know how much it hurts to be stood up on a date.” He said letting his hand fall away from Ed’s face.

The silent staring continued; Oswald looked away from him laughing at how stupid he was for all of this. He buried his face in his hands letting out a heavy sigh, he was tipsy, he’d spent his evening drinking and brooding, he knew he should just retire to his bedroom at this point and save some of his scattered dignity. 

Ed placed a hand on his shoulder drawing his attention again. “I’m sorry, when you invited me, I never thought it was anything like that.”

Oswald offered a small smile knowing he hadn’t meant any offense, he was Ed, he hadn’t realized, why would he?

“Don’t apologize, there’s no need for that. This isn’t about me, is it? I really am worried about you, this relationship that you’re in isn’t healthy, and…” He thought about how last time he recommended Ed ending things it hadn’t worked out, he prayed it would be permanent this time. “I’m scared that you’ll do something that you’ll regret and end up back in Arkham and I’m not sure I can pull the strings to get you out a second time.”

Ed looked away from him swallowing hard, he nodded seeming to register and understand what he meant. “Can I have one of your cigarettes?” 

Oswald wordlessly handed him a cigarette and his lighter watching as he lit it and pulled the smoke into his lungs. “Why don’t I ever want to hurt you?” Ed finally asked as he leaned on the countertop.

“I-I don’t know, we’re friends I would hope that you wouldn’t want to hurt me.” 

Ed smiled sadly, took another drag of his cigarette. “I never dreamed of hurting Kristen then it happened, same with Isabella. I haven’t hurt her yet, but you’re right; it’s going to happen eventually isn’t it?” There was another lull of silence before he spoke again. “When I was in middle school I was friends with another boy, we were close like I am with you, and….I don’t know what it was, this paranoia took hold of me that he didn’t actually like me, and next thing I know I was beating the Hell out of him.”

“and you’re scared you’ll do that to me?”

Ed turned to face him, there was a mournful look on his face as he made a shooting motion towards his friend before laughing dryly. “I’ve come a long way since that haven’t I?” Oswald remained quiet and the smile dropped from Ed’s face as he looked away again. “I don’t want to, but sometimes these thoughts enter my head or I’ll have nightmares where I’m killing you and….I don’t want to do that.” 

“Then you won’t, I trust you.”

“What did you want to tell me that night?” 

“It’s not important now.”

“Everything you say is important in some way.” 

Oswald smiled, he plucked the cigarette from between Ed’s fingers and took a drag of his own as the other man watched him. “You’re good for a man’s ego.” He joked; Ed laughed turning his full attention to him.

“Tell me, it’s going to kill me not knowing.”

“I had this full plan to tell you that, that I am in love with you.” The words felt so strange being spoken out loud to the person that was intended to hear them.

He felt a growing fear in the pit of his stomach waiting to be laughed at, waiting for Ed to storm out of the room and never speak to him again. He almost wanted the rejection just to get it out of the way. He wasn’t prepared for Ed to slowly smile, humming as he stared down at him as if this was an interesting turn of events. 

“When did that start?” 

Oswald shrugged looking away, “I don’t know, I mean it’s bits and pieces. A little bit when I was living with you, even more when I began visiting you in Arkham after my dad was killed, and then you moved in with me and….It’s just been escalating. I feel like a fucking moron.” He admitted finally.

He tensed when Ed brushed his fingers against his cheek, he risked a glance up at him to see a soft fondness in his eyes as he stared down at him. 

“I don’t have a good track history.” Ed confessed.

“I’ve noticed”

“You’d still want to date me though?”

“I’ve never been close to somebody like I am with you, maybe in a week I’ll hate your guts, but for right now I love you. I don’t know what to do with that but watching you with this woman is driving me insane.”

“Short drive” Ed teased; Oswald glared at him.

He went to warn him it was rude to tease him like that but was cut off when Ed pressed his lips to his in a gentle kiss that tasted heavily of cigarettes and tea. Oswald was unsure what to do with his hands, he kept them on his lap, he shivered when he felt Ed’s fingers brushing along the back of his neck as he nipped at his bottom lip before pulling back.

“Go with me when I break up with Isabella in the morning, okay?” 

Oswald nodded his agreement, secretly he held a pleasure in the idea of shoving it in her face that she couldn’t just win a person.

“Love you” He whispered feeling more confident in the words.

“I’ll love you too, just give me time.” Ed responded before kissing him again.

After all they had all the time in the world now.


End file.
